Got any good jokes. Please write your jokes here, in English of course. Share laughter with your friends and fellow international students.
Batman, spiderman, and superman, enter a subway in Seoul. There is one seat left on the train. Who gets it?
Answer:
AJAMA!
1. Super Bowl
A guy was sitting at the Super Bowl in the very best seat available. The guy on his left noticed there was an empty seat next to him and said, "Can you believe someone actually paid for that seat and didn't come to the game?" The fellow next to him replied, "Actually that's my wife's seat...we bought these tickets months ago. Unfortunately, my wife passed away so I came alone." "I'm sorry to hear that, but why didn't you give the ticket to a family member or friend?" "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
2. Cows and politics
DICTATORSHIP You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you. PURE DEMOCRACY You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk. REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk. BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows. PURE ANARCHY You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you. LIBERTARIAN: ANARCHO-CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Understanding God
A man trying to understand the nature of God asked him: "God, how long is a million years to you?" God answered:"A million years is like a minute." Then the man asked:"God, how much is a million dollars to you?" And God replied:"A million dollars is like a penny." Finally the man asked:"God, could you give me a penny?" And God said,"In a minute." Won Jung D4
How does a skeleton know when it's going to rain?
------He feels it in his bones.
How does a skeleton know when it's going to rain?
------He feels it in his bones.
Youngjoo(Jo),D1(9910095,GEP3)
Misdirected Email
A businessman from Wisconsin went on a business trip to Louisiana. Upon arrival, he immediately plugged his laptop into the hotel room port and sent a short E-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer Johnson, at her address, JennJohn@world.net.
Unfortunately, in his haste, he mistyped a letter and the E-mail ended up going to JeanJohn@world.net, a Jean Johnson in Duluth, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away and was buried that day. The preacher's wife took one look at the E-mail and promptly fainted.
It read, "Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here!" (This joke is very interesting, isn't it? ^^ GEP3 D15 misun)
A little boy was in the habit of sucking his thumb all the time.
His mother tried every way to break him of the habit.
Then, one day she pointed to a fat man with a very large stomach and said that he had grown his stomach because he did not stop sucking his thumb.
The next day the child was with his mother in a supermarket, and kept staring at a pregnant woman.
Finally, he said to the woman : "I know what you"ve been doing."
***WonheeE1***
*LONGER
Two man who hadn't seen each other for several years were having a reunion. One asked:" Is your wife as pretty as ever?" " Ye, indeed!" enthusted the other. Then he added thoughtfully, " But it takes her half an our longer." Na-eunE9
23 March 2000 YouJin D5
A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor."Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always ask me to repeat things." "Well" the doctor replied. "go home and tonight stavd about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply, move about 5 feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness." Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moved 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moved right behind her about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"
Dyke van Dick A guy walks into this bar and says."Hey bartender, give me a Budweiser." So the bartender gets him a bud.The man is enjoyning his beer when he notices tow beatiful blondes at the end of the bar.The man notices that his beer is empty says,"Hey bartender, another Bud,and get those ladies at the end of the bar a drink on me." The bartender gives the man his Bud,and says "Don't bother getting me those girls a drink,it won't do you any good. You're just waisting your time." The man says "Naaa.give em one on me." So the bartender pours the girls a drink and gives em to the blondes.
The girls out of respect raise their glasses, in a sort of thank you,and take a drink.The man now figures he's in.So he walks over to the girls.He notices that the girls are empty again.so the man yells,"Hey bartender,how about another round over here?" The tow girls look up at him and one says, "It won't do you any good. You're just waisting your time." Well the man puzzled,says "The bartender said the samething. What the hell does that mean I'm just waisting my time??" the other blonde says, "Well we're lesbians, we love to eat pussy!!" The man now has a huge smile on his face and yells to the bartender, "Hey bartender,3 beers for us lesbians!!!"
Rubber tax A guy walks in a bar and asks the bartinder, "Do you sell condoms here?"
the bartender replies, "Sure do."
"How much do they cost?"
"They're different prices for the different styles. you go over to the right wall,pick out the one you want and come back and let me know which one and I'll give you a price."
So the guy goes over and picks out a hot pink one with black poke-a-dots.He asks the bartender how much?
"That will be $1.15+ tax."
"I don't need the tacks! It'll stay up all by itself."
KimYoujinGEP300D16
1. A little boy in the habit sucking his thumb all the time. His mother tried every way to break him of the habit. Finally, one day she pointed a fat man with a very large stomach and said that he had grown his big stomach because he did not stop sucking his thumb. The next day the child was with his mother in a supermarket and kept staring at a pregnant woman. Fanally, the annoyed woman said to the child, "Stop staring at me like that." "I know," said the boy, "what you have been doing."
2. Mike: I want to marry your daughter. Dad: How much money do you make? Mike: Two hundred dollars a month Dad: Well, her allowance is $150 a month and that'll make.... Mike: No, I have already figured that in.
3. Doctor is talking to a car mechanic, " Your debit is several times more per hour than we ger paid for medical care." "Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model. It hasn't chaged since Adam. But we have keep up the date with new models comming every month!!"
#D2 Kwon Hyun Joo(include above two jokes...)
1.(Knock Knock!) Who's there? : : : : someone who can't reach the bell!
2. What has 60 keys but can't open any door? ............. A piano...
********((youngshin D8))*********
"Dad, I don't want to go to school today" said the boy. "Why not, son?" "Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. And three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day..." "But why don't you want to go today?" "Because the English teacher died yesterday"
-yeyongD7
"Dad, I don't want to go to school today."
said the boy.
"Why not, son?"
"Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died
last week and we had a chicken soup for lunch the next day.
And three days ago one of the pigs died and we had a
roast pork the next day..."
"But why don't you want to go today?"
"Because my English teacher died yesterday."
THRILLER
"Dad, I don't want to go to school today" said the boy.
"Why not, son?"
"Because one of the chicken on the school farm died
last week and and we had a chicken soup for lunch the
next day. And three days ago one of the pigs died and
we had a roast pork the next day..."
"But why don't you want to go today?"
"Because my teacher died yesterday"
-yeyongD7
One day the students were drawing in art lesson. Their teacher let them draw what they like the most. All students started to draw. But a certain boy was painting the drawing paper only black. It was completely black. So the teacher asked "What are you drawing now?" And just then he answered "It`s a laver." Na-youngE8
"I'm always forgetting things" the distraught man grumbled to the psychiatrist, "What should I do?"
"The first thing to do.. is pay me in advance"
myunghee D3
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter.
Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"
"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a BASTARD in the family than a LAWYER."
What do you call a deer with no eye?
....No idea...(No eye dear)
By Yon Sook #10
283. Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? A: From eating with forks.
284. Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons? A: From dating blonde men.
Chang Kiok/9910425/D-11(GAP 300)
1> Airhead Airlines, Fight 101, is coming in for a landing, and the pilot is freaking out. The sweat is jumping off his brow.
(Planelanding and screeching to a halt.) RRRttt!!! He turns to the co-pilot, and he says, "Man, that is the shortest runaway I ever landed on."
The co-pilot says, "Yeah, and so wide." --;
2> Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world?
He drowned.
*EunSil* (E3)
An Elephant Joke Q: How do you Catch a Grey Elephant? A: Go to a place where there are grey elephants. Look for a tree that you can climb. Bring with you a mouse. Climb the tree. When the grey elephant is close, drop the mouse in front of it. As all elephants are scared of mice, the grey elephant will be scared, and turn pale with fright. And then you catch it the same way as an ordinary white elephant. -Yoo Kyung (GEP3 D17)-
-----juhyunE11------ Did you hear about the guy on the beach who found a bottle? He rubbed it and, sure enough, out popped a Genie. "I will grant you three wishes," said the Genie. "But there's a catch." "What catch?" he asked. The Genie replied, "Every time you make a wish, every lawyer in the world will receive DOUBLE what you asked for." "Well, I can live with that! No problem!" replied the elated man. "What is your first wish?" asked the Genie. "Well, I've always wanted a Ferrari." POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man. "NOW, every lawyer in the world has TWO Ferraris," said the Genie. "Next wish?" "I'd LOVE a million dollars..." replied the man. POOF! One million dollars appeared at his feet. "NOW, every lawyer in the world has TWO MILLION dollars," said the Genie. "Well, that's okay, as long as I've got MY million," replied the man. "What is your final wish?" The man thought long and hard, and finally said, "Well, you know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney...." -------juhyunE11-------
A Rabbit & A Lion
A rabbit and a lion entered a restaurant, and only the rabbit ordered the head of a lettuce. "What's your friend going to have?" the waiter aseked the rabbit. "Nothing." said the rabbit. "What's the matter with him? Isn't he hungry?" demanded the waiter. "Look," said the rabbit, "if that lion was hungry, do you think I'd be sitting here?"
(Eun Sook #D6)
*Being Out Ranked*
I once was on a plane where I was served by an obviously homosexual male flightattendent. At one point, he bounced over to where I was sitting and announced "The Captain has asked me to announce that he will be landing the big scary plane shortly, so if you could just put up your trays, that would be great." I did as he had instructed but the woman sitting next to me did not. A few minutes later, our flight attendent came back and said to her: "Ma'am, perhaps you couldn't hear me over the big scary engine, but I asked you to please put up your trays so that the captain can land the plane." She still wouldn't comply. Now he was getting angry and asked her again to pur up the tray. She then calmly turned to him and said : "In my country, I am called a princess. I take orders from no one." Our flight attendent replied: "Oh yeah? Well,in MY country, I'm called a queen and I outtank you, bitch, so pur the tray up!" Ayn E2 (GEP3)
Aldolph Hitler was an avid believer in astrology and consulted with his special astrologist before making any decisions. One day in consulting with him, Hitler asked,"On what day will I die?" "You will die on a Jewish Holiday"replied the astrologist. "How can you be sure of that?"asked Hitler. "Any day that you die will be a Jewish Holiday."said the astrologist.
--------jinaD18(9911804,GEP3)----------------------
Sitting in the sauna,starry-eyed daniel signed to a perfect stranger "You know, my wife is an angel" "I envy you"the other man snorted "Mine is still alive~"
jeong seong-won #9910434 D12
A lady finishes her shower just in time to hear the doorbell ring. Realising she doesn't have a robe, she hollers down the hall, "Who is it?" A voice answers,"It's the blind man." Cautiously opening the door a bit, she says,"You're the blind man?" "Yes, ma'am" he says. "What the hay." she thinks to herself, "He can't see me," with that she flings open the door....."What is it you want?" she says. With wide eyed surprise, the man stammers, "Lady, I just need to hang the blinds you orderd last week."
A lady finishes her shower just in time to hear the doorbell ring. Realising she doesn't have a robe, she hollers down the hall, "Who is it?" A voice answers,"It's the blind man." Cautiously opening the door a bit, she says,"You're the blind man?" "Yes, ma'am" he says. "What the hay." she thinks to herself, "He can't see me," with that she flings open the door....."What is it you want?" she says. With wide eyed surprise, the man stammers, "Lady, I just need to hang the blinds you orderd last week."
A blonde was out in the woods.It was raining cats and dogs and freezing,and the blonde decided to light a fire.She had to makr a fire,and fast,or else she would freeze to death.The blonde tried the first mach in the pack. It would't light.She tried another.Then another.At last she came to the last one,and lit!.So she blew it out and said "I'd better save this one for later."
One afternoon a guy was out mowing his lawn when he noticed his blonde neighbor run out of the house,open her mail box,look inside,then slam it shut.Puzzled,the man kept on mowing.Five minutes later the blonde runs back out of her house,opens her mail box,looks inside,then slams it shut again.She does this about five more times,so finally the man shuts off the lawn mower and approaches the blonde. He saya,"Excuse me,but may I ask exactly what are you doing?" The blonde who is by now tired of doing all this running says,"well,my computer keeps trlling me,`You've got mail' but I DON'T have mail."
SunmiD14(GEP300,9910500)
COURTROOM QUOTES
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
KimRanyoung#D21(9912218)
Miss Evans lived in a big city, and she had a very clever dog. she sent it to a good school in the country. After a few months it came back for the summer holidays, and Miss Evans said to it, "What did you study at your school?" "We studied English, mathematics,history nad foreign languages,"the dog said,"and we played soccer." "And were youa good student?" Miss Evans asked. "I wasn't very good at math and history," the dog said, "but I was very good at foreign languages and soccer." "That's good," Miss Evans said, "now please say something to me in a foreign language." "With pleasure!" the dog said. "Meow,meow!"
Eunjin E19
1. Super Ball
A guy was sitting at the Super Bowl in the very best seat available. The guy on his left noticed there was an empty seat next to him and said, "Can you believe someone actually paid for that seat and didn't come to the game?" The fellow next to him replied, "Actually that's my wife's seat...we bought these tickets months ago. Unfortunately, my wife passed away so I came alone." "I'm sorry to hear that, but why didn't you give the ticket to a family member or friend?" "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
2. Cows and politics
DICTATORSHIP You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you. PURE DEMOCRACY You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk. REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk. BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows. PURE ANARCHY You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you. LIBERTARIAN: ANARCHO-CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
GEP300 D20 9812240
<Blond jokes> Find number written on M&M chocolate. Everyone will just laughs about this joke but only blond girl will take it seriously.She will go buy M&M herself and try to find number written on it. But the funny thing is, there's only M written on M&M chocolate! Sun Hee Lee E14
1) Lady : Is this my train? Station Master : No,it belongs to the Railway Company. L : Don`t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to Kuala Lumpur. S.T : No Madam, I`m afraid it`s too heavy.
2) Peter : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots! Kirk : Yes, it`s really strange. I`ve got another pair of the same at home.
3) 1st Guy : (Proudly) My wife`s angel! 2nd Guy : You`re lucky , mine`s still alive.
4) A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order." The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honour, I'll have a scotch and soda."
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist. "My trouble is," he said, "that I keep forgetting things." "How long has this been going on ?" asked the psychiatrist. "How long has what been going on?" said the man.
Esther E16
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote:"I would very much like to bring my dog with>me.He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?" An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've ever had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes,indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too." Ieesunhee E14
A lion was getting married,and a mouse at the ceremony was so thrilled that he jumped up and down with joy. When one of his friends asked why he was so happy,he replied that his brother was getting married. "What brother?" his friend asked in astonishment. "The lion is my brother," replied the mouse. "But how can he be your brother, he is a lion and your are a mouse?" said his friend. The mouse sad with a grin, "We were all lions before we get married."
gi-yean E20
A frog goes to have his fortune told. The swami looks at his little webbed palm and says, "Aha! You will meet a beautiful young lady who is going to want to know everything about you." The frog says, "Thanks! I'm going to run right back to the pond so I won't miss her." The swami says, "You won't meet her at the pond. You're going to meet her in her freshman biology class."
A frog goes to have his fortune told. The swami looks at his little webbed palm and says, "Aha! You will meet a beautiful young lady who is going to want to know everything about you." The frog says, "Thanks! I'm going to run right back to the pond so I won't miss her." The swami says, "You won't meet her at the pond. You're going to meet her in her freshman biology class."
A man walked into a bar OUCH!
DO YOU GOT SOME MONEY HONEY
A blonde a redhead and a brunette are on a burning building and the firefighters are below them with a net they yell to the brunette "JUMP JUMP!" so she jumps. at the last minute the firefighters move out of the way and the brunette hits the ground and dies. Then the firefighters yell to the redhead "JUMP JUMP" She yells back down "I SAW WHAT YOU DID TO MY FRIEND HOW CAN I TRUST YOU?" They yell back "TRUST US" so she jumps and the firefighters do the same thing. Then the firefighters yell to the blonde, "JUMP JUMP" so she yells back "I SAW WHAT YOU DID TO MY FRIENDS SO I WANT YOU TO PUT THE NET DOWN ON THE GROUND AND BACK AWAY" By, Dinamight4000 or Vali!
Why do blonde woman use electric lawnmower's? So they can use the cord to find ther way back!!!!! By...Dinamight4000 or Vali!!!
Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets? Answer:So he could run his fingers through his hair!
huuuuh huhu ha , look at me, iam so good , yeah a grape , stomp, here comes wine............llollooo
Your mamas so old, when you rub her bald head, you can see into the future!
What's the difference between a sparrow? Nothing. Its both wings are the same, especially the left one.
What's the difference between a sparrow? Nothing. Its both wings are the same, especially the left one.
Three blondes are on an island with a genie. They each get a wish. The first blonde wishes to bo smart. So she builds a canoe and paddles back to shore. The second blonde wishes to be smarter than the first, so she builds a motor boat and drives back to shore. The third blinde wishes to be the smartest, so she crosses the bridge.
gotta boner Talk to homer
I am a dick eat the clit
what the fuck suck a duck
what do call a joke site ??? there stupid
who do i love not u ....u ... um... cant think of anything ur perfected
one day, Iwas in the bathroom and my little sister came inside the bathroom,and burn my hair,because I was washing my hair .
how did alex had a rotten egg because she said ohh
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
There was an absent-minded man sleeping. Suddenly he felt down the bed and said loudly to himself: "Oh, my God, thanks a lot I have woken up, otherwise I will step on myself tomorrow."
Once upon a time there was a boy, he asked his mom "Is there a god in our bathroom", the mother said what! NO! "Why are you asking this nonsence Question? The boy answered "because dad always says oh god, get out of the bathroom."
why cant you play cards in the jungle because theres to many ceater
It a duck.. he jump on one feet he laugh he jump the other feet and he fall on the ass
hitler is a daaaaaa"mmy"
YOUR A DICK
one day the woman get on the bus,and the bus driver say"why your baby,is so.........ugly,look like a monkey!and the woman very angry,the man who sit next to the woman say"you go and told him off,I help you and keep the monkey!
one day the woman get on the bus,and the bus driver say"why your baby,is so.........ugly,look like a monkey!and the woman very angry,the man who sit next to the woman say"you go and told him off,I help you and keep the monkey!
one day the woman get on the bus,and the bus driver say"why your baby,is so.........ugly,look like a monkey!and the woman very angry,the man who sit next to the woman say"you go and told him off,I help you and keep the monkey!
elephant lives in the jungle because they can,t fit inside the house.
I have a friend who has studied English for years. One day he asked me what was the difference between "YES" and "IS", "NO" and "NOT".
A panda goes to a resteraunt to eat.After eat the meal, he shoots a guest and then leaves. The boss of the resteraunt was very angery and asked him why you killed my guest. He said:"please look in your dictonary,a panda is an animal which ears shoots and leaves"
A panda goes to a resteraunt to eat.After eat the meal, he shoots a guest and then leaves. The boss of the resteraunt was very angery and asked him why you killed my guest. He said:"please look in your dictonary,a panda is an animal which eats shoots and leaves"
true love last verylong but un true love is full of disappointment and disgrace. Never be a victim. never allow men to suck like an orange, for if you do, they will dump you after licking you like an orange. thanks
Most people think love is just pratical on the bed, is never so, it is shareing ,understanding ,careing and so on
am a small house filled with death , what am i
am a small house filled with death , what am i
Your Mama Is So Fat,She Wears a Watch On Each Arm.One For Each Time Zone.
Your mamas so fat that the shadow of her ass weighs 50 pounds
Your mamas so fat when she went bungee jumping she went straight to hell.
Your mamas so fat when she went bungee jumping she went straight to hell.
Your mamas so short she had to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
Jokes are jokes and nothing more anyway.
whats a fat lady and a moped have in commen? there both fun to ride untill your frends find out
fuck you
what do you call loin in America?
One guy visited a bar every day and each time drank two glasses of vodka.Finally the bartender asked the guy "why do you always drink two glasses?". The guy answered "I used to drink whith my friend . He was killed at war.Now I drink one glass for myself and one for him". One day the guy ordered one glass,The bartender asked "Why only one glass today?". "I just quit drinking"
A businessman finds out that his younggirlfriend is pregnant. He goes to her parents and tells them that if the child is a boy he will give the child two company's + fifty million bucks. For a daughter one company+ 25 million. For twins one company + 10 million each. Than he turns to the shocked father and tells him he is still unsure what to do if it is a stillborn. The father just lokked at him and said:" Son in that case you just make sure you try again." Cerr.co.za
when you are at the end of your rope try not to tie it around somebodys neck.
Everyday this man jack walked down the same street at 10'o'clock because there was a lady that changed in front of the window at that exact time everyday. After a while the young lady caught on an saw him peeking so she told her brother to change in her room and she would change in the bathroom. Jack walked down the street the next day and to his suprise there wasn't a lady it was a naked man. Jack never walked down that street again. who knows if he was jealous or not but he was beat red after seeing that
Everyday this man jack walked down the same street at 10'o'clock because there was a lady that changed in front of the window at that exact time everyday. After a while the young lady caught on an saw him peeking so she told her brother to change in her room and she would change in the bathroom. Jack walked down the street the next day and to his suprise there wasn't a lady it was a naked man. Jack never walked down that street again, and i think we all know why
yo mom is so fat that when she walked by the moon we looked up and we saw have of it bitten off.
what do u call a mexacan at a baptism? answer: bean dip
what did the tampon say to the other?...nothing because they were both stuck up b!tches.
df;iy[wrjyoi;r
What's pink and lies in the desert? King David's foreskin. What's brown and lies in the desert? King David's final push. What's white and lies in the desert? The last coming of Christ. JOKES SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
why did the chicken cross the rode? Cause it was gay!
A divorced man was complaining that he did not like living alone. "If I eat a meal at home, I have to wash the dishes. I really hate to wash the dishes." His friend asks, "Why don't you get a dishwasher?" The divorced man replied, "I HAD a dishwasher, but she divorced me!"
A Christian man was out walking in the forest when a hungry bear jumped on him and started to tear ferociously through his clothing. As the bear ripped through into his flesh the Christian guy offered up a last prayer to God in the hope of deliverance. He said: "Lord, I have loved thee with a Christian love; therefore make this beast a Believer too". A fraction of a second later the bear jumped off the man, and there was no more wailing and gnashing of teeth. Looking up to heaven with paws clasped tightly together, the bear said: "For what I am about to receive may the Lord make me truly thankful, Amen". JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What happened to the man who fell into a vat of anti-wave lotion? He got curled to death! JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
Did you hear about the policeman who arrested a chewing gum lout? He made the charges stick! JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What did the prostitute say to the leper? I hate a guy who gives me head and then lets me keep it. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and stubble? Stubble waits until you're 15 to come on your face!
How many Scottish people does it take to change a lightbulb? One - but it takes another 15 to sit around complaining about how much the new one cost. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
This site is about as much fun as watching snails tap dance!
Q. Why did the pirate run out of aspirin? A. Because his parrot ate all the tablets! JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
A prostitute fell asleep on the steps of a synagogue and woke up in the morning with a heavy Jew on her.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs? To keep their nuts dry! JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What's the best known cure for insomnia? Sleep on the very edge of the bed - and then that way you'll soon drop off! JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
Q. What has a hazelnut in every bite? A. Squirrel shit! JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
Quasimodo went to see his quack. The doctor, after examining him, says "I think there's something wrong with your back." Quasimodo says "What makes you say that, doc?" The quack replies "Oh, it's just a hunch!" JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What happened to the crook who escaped from the police by hiding in a laundry van? He got clean away. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What's the difference between Prince William and a snap together superhero out of a cereal packet? The latter is a Glueless Kit and the former is a Clueless Git!
A shrink and his patient were walking through the sanatorium gardens. The patient says: "That rhubarb over there, how do you get it to grow so tall?" The shrink replies: "I think the head gardener puts manure on it". The patient says: "That's an odd thing to do, we put custard on ours!" JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What's yellow and scratches at the window? A Chinaman in a microwave! JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What's pink and crispy? A baby in a toaster. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What's red and gurgles for 10 seconds? A baby that's swallowed a cyanide pill. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
I've got a stupid dog - I call it Einstein.
Why does Prince Charles have big ears? 'Cause Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.
What do you call a blonde with large ears? A blow job with handles! JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What do you call a piece of bread that's been made holy? Jesus crust, of course. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
The following breeds are now recognised by the kennel clubs of the world: Spitz + Newfoundland = SPITEFUL, a dog that bites the hand that feeds it. Spaniel + Otter-Hound = SPOTTER, a dog that works as a police observer. Pomeranian + Bloodhound = RAINHOUND, a dog that only lets you walk it in a downpour. Staghound + Kelpie = STAGPIE, a dog that has expensive culinary tastes. Wire-Haired Fox Terrier + Mexican Hairless = WIRELESS, a dog that listens to the radio. Sealyham Terrier + Manchester Terrier = HAMSTER, a dog that thinks it's a rodent. Maltese Dog + Rhodesian Ridgeback = MALTESER, a dog that's got a sweet tooth. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What's got a big head, large black eyes and is covered in white spots? An alien teenager with acne. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What's got a big head, large black eyes and is covered in red spots? An alien teenager with measles. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
How do I know that my dog can read? 'Cause when out walking the other day we passed a sign that said, "Wet Paint" - so he did! JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What do you call a stolen egg? A poached egg. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What do you call a young sheep that does karate? A lamb chop. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What's green and smelly? Kermit's arsehole. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What do you get when you cross a snowcap and a glacier? Cold feet. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What do you call a stale water supply? An offspring. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What kind of ghosts haunt anti-depression clinics? Low spirits. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What do you call a row of dolls about to be burned? A barbie-queue! JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What did the blonde say after doing it behind the bike shed? Are all you boys from the same cycle club! JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
My dog likes Koreans. But he doesn't think he could eat a whole one.
Why did the blonde break the mirror? She thought it would bring her good luck. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
Why don't aliens eat girls? Because they taste of tuna fish. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
Two snowmen are standing in a garden. One says to the other: "I wonder what it is like to fly in the clouds above". The other snowman exclaims, "Look a talking snowman!!!!" JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
One of my freind he told me, that he loves every beutiful ladys!
How many trade unionists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they're all on strike. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
How many Down's Syndrome sufferers does it take to change a lightbulb? D'oh, what's a lightbulb! JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
whats the difference between a mail box and acows ass
Q. What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? A. About a 46D! JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because it soots him! JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What do squirrels do on their days off? They stay at home and do nutting. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
your mom is so fat she step on dollar and she make change qouaters
what does a black man say when hes crossing a zebra crosing? now you see me now you dont
crab cakes beef cakes show case bad case suit case stair case closed case.. what the hell bad case of
Man-in-restaurant: "Waiter, do you have chicken legs?" Waiter: "No sir, I always walk this way!" JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
WHY DID THE LITTEL GIRL PAINT SPOTS ON THE STAIRCASE
Advert seen in a newspaper: For sale. Good watchdog. Will eat anything. Especially fond of children. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
what do u call a chocolate covered lamb?
How did Ronald McDonald get his girlfriend pregnant? He forgot to wrap his Big Mac. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What do estate agents use for birth control? Condominiums. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
A newly-married couple is having a voyage during their honey moon .The ship is just about the shores of India, and the couple is looking through the windows of their cabin.The woman asks: - Is is India?( in,dear) - No,honey,I have just taken it out ...;-)
yo so black you went to night school and they marked you absent
Heard about the blonde who went into an antique's shop and asked, "What's new?" JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
What happened when the wool farm was done over? The police combed the area. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
q: Why is 6 afraid of 7? a: 7-8-9
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? 3,405. One to hold the light bulb and 3,404 to turn the building.
what do you call a dog sat near a fire
Waiter, waiter, is the beef rare? Extremely, sir, we haven't seen any for weeks! JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
hey these guys all sitting in a bar in a group...and a hott girl comes in and hollaz hello guys...the guys turned looked at her and one said...so.
Why are ET's eyes so big? Because he saw the 'phone bill! JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
what do you call a chocolate covered lamp?
why did the little girl paint spots on the staircase
what do cows eat? I don`t know. moooooooon pies.
Some adult movie news! Heard about the sexed-up remake of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? It's called Willy Wanker and the Condom Factory.
Yo head so big it takes 2 hours to send a message from yo brain to yo boddy
ha ha ha haaaaaa
why did the little girl paint spots on the staircase
dudu on a stick
swin
go to hell
What do you call a genetic double who does nothing but shout and wail? An I Scream Clone!! JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
y was 6 afraid of nine because seven ate nine
what did the volcano wear to the city
If you want to be a cut above the rest - stand near the guillotine. JOKE SUBMITTED BY ALED JONES
ROIDS!
Two chavs race each other off a cliff. Who wins? Society.
Two chavs race each other off a cliff. Who wins? Society.
Camping is Intense.
Over-fishing of the oceans is sole-destroying. Get it, SOLE-destroying?!
i like bellybuttons
What's green and purple and goes up and down groaning? Barney in the backseat with his girlfriend. JOKE SUBMITTED BY: ALED JONES
boy:Iam not rich like john boy:I havenot money lke john boy: But i realy love you. girl: i love you too , tell me more about john
why did the little girl paint spots on the staircase
why dont you ever take a bath with a pokemon? A. they might pikachu
why did the little girl paint spot on the staircase?
why did the little girl paint spots on the staircase?
Why did Henry VIII put skittles on his lawn? So that he could take Anne Boleyn!!!
ester egg
easter egg
spiderman
A girl goes to the barbers shop with her dad and stands next to the chair eating her cake while dad has a trim. The barber smiles and says, "You're gonna get a hair on your muffin". "I know", the girl says, "I'm gonna get tits too you dirty old bastard!"
I DINT KNOW U LIKED TO FIGHT BECAUSE YOU SO ASHY IT LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT IN A FIGHT WITH BABY POWDER
Went to the cemetery the other day and saw 4 men carrying a coffin, 3 hours later I saw the same 4 men with the same coffin. Thought to myself - they've lost the plot
Yes! it a photo to seperate them......... a photo of him making out wit a pole dancer in nevada